In response to your inquiry for a thief I am scribing you thusly to offer my services.
I am a notorious and highly skilled thief. I have stolen from peasants and kings alike nary to be caught. I have a lockpicking skill of 113 which, to the layman means naught, but such numbers are the envy of all my colleagues. I posess all the stealth of the fabled Nin-ja as well as the dexterity of Irina Vashchenko- world famous contortionist and acrobat.
Are you familiar with a little known painting in the Louvre known as the Mona Lisa? It is a fake! I know because I myself stole it in a stunning and miraculous display of thievery. Not to worry, though. The real Mona Lisa is safely hidden away in my lair far from the leering eyes of Frenchmen.
If you so wisely choose to render my services please contact me via the world wide web. We may discuss compensation at that time. My rate varies with the individual risk of the endeavor.
Garrick the Mischievous