Thursday, September 18, 2008
In a burst of selfless heroics action star Jason Statham saved the life of Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama. Obama was giving a speech in Mobile, Alabama when six shots were fired from either a grassy knoll or the box seats of a theater (sources are unclear on this matter). Responding with catlike reflexes Statham leapt in-between Obama and the bullets catching six in his own chest.
When asked about the incident Statham responded, “It’s no big deal. No major organs were hit. All I need is a little gauze and some Vitamin Water.” Statham then slammed two Red Bulls and swallowed a handful of multicolored pills before strapping on a jetpack and flying to the Super Bowl.
Hilary Clinton was detained shortly after the incident holding a sniper rifle. She was later released without being charged.