Monday, September 15, 2008

Soooo…

This is the perfect year for Seahawks football. It’s great because everyone thought they were going to win the Super Bowl, but they can’t even beat the Bills or the 49ers. It’s so funny to me to see Seahawks fans get their hopes up every year and then get them dashed down. You think they’d learn after 30 years or so…

I suspect that after this last showing I won’t be getting as many points on the next game. Seattle will certainly beat St. Louis, but I don’t think I’ll get more than a touchdown when I bet on the Rams.

Super Bowl Prediction:

Dallas Cowboys defeat Indianapolis Colts

I hate to admit it, but the Cowboys look like the team. Sometimes the champs just kind of emit a glow and this year the Cowboys have it.

I don’t know why every defensive end in the league isn’t gunning for Tony Romo’s ribs. I mean how hilarious would that be? Every time someone sacks Tony Romo they should do a little move like spreading BBQ sauce over him or something.

The Packers look good too. I don’t think it’s their year just yet, but I do think that Aaron Rogers is the next Steve Young. I love Brett Favre as much as the next guy, but he fucked up when he announced his retirement while crying. I understand that the dude just loves to play football, but Aaron deserves the spot. Sorry Brett, football’s a young man’s game and you’re like 85 in football years.

Speaking of young men and football, who the fuck is this 20-year old emo twerp quarterbacking the Denver Broncos? Really? He looks like a little pimply faced pissant with no balls. Go listen to Death Cab for Cutie or something.

Tonight’s pick

Philly @ Dallas
Philly doesn’t look half bad, but the Cowboys are unbeatable right now. Cowboys by 8

Week 3 picks

Kansas City @ Atlanta
Who cares? Falcons by 6

Oakland @ Buffalo
Buffalo has 2 surprise wins, but Oakland always seems to put points up in a mysterious way. Still, they’re playing in Buffalo and Buffalo is hot. Bills by 3

Tampa Bay @ Chicago
Tough one here. Both upper tier teams. Both with good D. Gotta go with my heart. Bears by 3

Carolina @ Minnesota
This one looks like a no-brainer, but Minnesota’s record never seems to reflect how good they actually are. The thing with that is Carolina’s record always seems to reflect exactly how good they are. Panthers by 8

Miami @ New England
This one looks like a no-brainer and is.  New England could field 7 men and still beat Miami by a touchdown.  Patriots by 14

Cincinnati @ New York Giants
Another easy one. Giants by 12

Houston @ Tennessee
I keep forgetting the Texans are even a team. It doesn’t seem like they should be, does it? The town with no windows loses again. Titans by 9

Arizona @ Washington
Another tough one. This time it’s two mid-grade teams. Neither is exceptionally good nor bad. Arizona looks like they’re on the not-so-fast track to winning their division, but their division sucks. Washington’s gonna have to stay afloat in the toughest division in the league. This one’s a coin flip. Arizona by 1

New Orleans @ Denver
This one would be another tough one if the Saints didn’t suck. But they do.
Broncos by 7

Detroit @ SanFrancisco
Detroit is trying to shake off a horrible ass-raping by Green Bay. San Francisco is riding high on an upset overtime defeat of the “mighty” Seahawks. Karma will balance the scales this week. Lions by 6

St. Louis @ Seattle
Seattle looks terrible. They got beat by two shitty teams in two weeks. They were Chris Berman’s Super Bowl pick and they lost to the Bills and the 49ers. Still, they’re better than St. Louis and they’re due for a win. Seahawks by 7

Cleveland @ Baltimore
Top of the division versus the bottom of the division… Hmmmm…. Ravens by 9

Jacksonville @ Indianapolis
Another easy one. Colts by 10

Pittsburgh @ Philadelphia
The battle for Pennsylvania! East versus West! Kind of good team versus kind of good team! This one’s hard to spot. We’ll see how Philly handles Dallas tonight. I think Pittsburgh’s record is hype. I think Pittsburgh has mob ties.  There might be a fix.  I smell a rat. Steelers by 2

Dallas @ Green Bay
This is the game of the week. Both teams look like contenders. Green Bay’s at home and my heart wants them to win, but my head tells me that historically Green Bay’s always been psyched out by the Cowboys. It kills me to say it. Cowboys by 3

New York Jets @ San Diego
Why is this the Monday night game? Does anybody care about either of these teams? No one from New York cares about the Jets, I’ll tell you that right now. Everyone in San Diego is too busy doing crystal meth and hopping over the border to even know they have a team. All you’re going to hear about on the TV is Brett Favre this, Brett Favre that, Brett Favre, Brett Favre, Brett Favre… Go Brett Favre. Jets by 2

Tune in next week when I gloat over these predictions and more. Drop me a line if you want to bet on some of these.

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