Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I understand that myspace is a business. A huge business… Owned by Rupert Murdoch… A shameless business that will find and invent new ways to make profit… Now I’m not trying to point the finger and complain here. Since myspace got bought out by Fox things have acutally gotten better and more efficient. They don’t generally cramp my style and that’s pretty good for something that’s free. But like I say, nothing comes without its price.

And the price I pay for logging onto myspace today is knowing that Annie Lennox and Bryan Adams are playing a concert together in Times Square.

FINALLY!!!

I mean, do you think Annie will play “Walking On Broken Glass”?!? Maybe she’ll even play “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This… These?)”. And I’ll just bet that Bryan will bust out “Summer of ’69”. Yeah!!!

But that’s not all…

Not only are two of the world’s brightest stars getting together to bask in the glow of the signs from Starbucks and the Hard Rock Cafe, but as an added bonus the concert is “for peace”. That’s right. Not even the mighty warlord Dick Cheney will be able to stand up against the awesome power of those two pop giants. I’ll bet the whole war department… I’m sorry “defense”… is running around in circles and panicking out of their minds.

“What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?”

I mean it’s the government, so they probably knew about the concert even before Bryan and Annie did. Hell, those two still might not even know about it. They probably just get ushered around by agents and managers all the while hopped up on anti-depressants or quaaludes or some other wonder-drug that only the truly rich know about. I mean they just get in and out of limos and helicopters, right?

Hey, do you think that Bryan Adams is even aware that on the cover of “Cuts Like A Knife” his picture looks like he’s shoving his guitar up his ass? I’ll bet he thought he was pretty cool. I mean he’s got that 80’s “cool guy” voice. You know the one I’m talking about… Def Leppard had it. So did Don Henley.

Man, the 80s were fucking weird. I was just a kid, so I didn’t fully comprehend it at the time. I really don’t think any of those guys knew how ironic and tongue-in-cheek they were being. I think they all took themselves super seriously which is FUCKING CRAZY. Who can take Bryan Adams seriously? And for that matter who’s going to go to this concert? Tickets will surely be three figures after Ticketmaster takes their thuggish cut. Who gives a fuck about Annie Lennox and Bryan Adams in 2008? People I’ll never know and never understand, that’s who. Sure enough that hall will be filled to capacity with a cross-section of society whose taste (but more importantly whose money) eludes me. It’s the same people that chuckle at greeting cards…. or write them. Maybe that’s it! Maybe that’s who’s going to be at the concert! Greeting card writers and shitty comic strip writers! Bill Keane will be there! So will Jon Arbuckle! And the dude that writes “Born Loser”!  And the dumb bitch that writes “Cathy”!

I have a picture in my mind of these people. They kind of look like Santa Claus. They have a little dog who wears sweaters. They sit at their antique oak/mahogany desk, use a $75 Cross pen and write little “witty” snippets. They chuckle to themselves and then they read what they just wrote to their little dog. They’re the people who dress up their house for every single holiday. They’re the people that are waiting outside of Target at 7:00 in the morning the day after Thanksgiving to get that “edge” on the other Christmas shoppers. They’re the people that actually believe that god is a kindly bearded old man sitting on top of a cloud and that when they die they’re going to rise up and meet St. Peter, and he’ll have a big book with everyone’s name who ever lived in it and a giant feather pen and a halo and he’ll list off every bad thing they’ve ever done in their lives and then, when it’s over, they’ll admit to their sins, but bounce back with something along the lines of “…but I tried to live a good life…” and then St. Peter will have mercy and two gigantic golden gates will open up and they’ll walk toward a bright light and they’ll live in peace for all eternity fraternizing with the angels and Jesus and god himself. They’re the people that get flushed and upset when you say the word “fuck”. They’re the people that are genuinely afraid of black people. They’re the people that actually think that they’re “doing their part” by separating their recycling, never mind the fact that they’ve got 4 cars and they drive everywhere. They’re the people that make airport installation art. They’re the people that think Eric Clapton is a “blues man” and relevant. They’re the people that would be quick to judge a thug from the ghetto for petty crime, but never even stop to think about where their clothes and their food come from. In general they’re the people that are directly responsible for this country using and wasting a third of the world’s resources. And on Tuesday, September 9th, 2008 they’ll all be under one roof.

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